The ear is not a good place for toilet paper. And it's definitely not a good idea to stuff wads of toilet paper into your ears and use it as a substitute for earplugs. The reason I know this is because I've been getting up at four, four-thirty in the morning for work for the past week. Add the fact that all my friends I've tried to come into contact with have ignored phone calls and text messages for the past several days and it becomes a very lonely and trying week, topped off with having toilet paper stuck in my right ear.
Today, Friday, has been the only day to sleep in this week since I have to get up so early every other day, including Saturday and Sunday. Having turned off my alarm clock and cell phone last night so as being able to enjoy heavenly sleep undisturbed until I decide to get up, it wasn't very fun to be woken up this morning at eight to the sound of a chainsaw right outside. And it wasn't just regular every day usage, it was a repeated pulse every ten seconds for fourty-five minutes. Not just using it every now and again for awhile, but using it at regular intervals of about ten seconds for fourty-five minutes. It's about as irritating as having having a mosquito buzzing in your ear regularly every ten seconds for fourty five minutes. After waking up at such godforsakenly early hours the past week and having do the same on Saturday and Sunday, I was desperate for a solution, and the regular bright yellow foam earplugs usually lying around the house were mysteriously gone. At that time it was just the natural thing to do, using toilet paper.
After falling asleep again and waking up later, one wad had already fallen out of one ear. The other was still there and apparently had snuck a little further in. After carefully using a q-tip to coax the bugger out I succeeded only in pushing it in a little further. After realizing that it might be really stuck in there the only other option left was to call the local medical center. Being full there, I was referred to the nearest hospital. This wasn't fun since I would have to wait a long time to get to a doctor and by that time the little wad of toilet paper was starting to make a soft crunching noise in my ear, kind of like hearing your teeth crunch down on something hard when you chew. That's what I heard every time I opened my mouth. Crunch crunch. Crunch Crunch.
After registering my visit at the hospital at about 12:45 the nurse said that it would be okay if I left the building for an hour. "Okay", I said. Crunch crunch. Crunch crunch. They would call if it would be any earlier. So I left and ate lunch and came back after two hours. During this time it dawned on me that all of my friends I had tried to contact during the past five days hadn't responded at all, which reminded me of the typical stockholm strategy: They never call anyone, and if you contact them then everyone will say that they're too busy to do anything. Or too poor. Or they are too tired. Or their grandma is coming to visit.
Back at the hospital waiting room I recieved two text messages out of the blue, only to discover that they were sent to the wrong number. It wasn't fun, sitting there in the hospital waiting room with a wad of toilet paper in my right ear on my only free day this week, 260 swedish crowns (about $25 US) poorer because I wanted to get some sleep and the only person to contact me did it because of a wrong number.
Having bearly heard my name called the doctor pulled out the wad in about five seconds. Then he vacuumed out all the small scraps left. Five minutes later, at three-fourtyfive, I left the hospital minus the crunching toilet paper. As I was walking home a little girl with an ice-cream cone said "hi!" to me with an ear-to-ear smile, totally covered in melted ice cream. It was one of those moments where you can't help but smile back and laugh a little. "Hi!", I said back. Thinking of all the problems that the other people sitting there in the hospital waiting room had, a little ball of toilet paper on my only free day this week was quite okay.
Friday, May 11, 2007
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5 comments:
Shit Micke. Du har ju varit riktigt aktiv. Trodde nästan du hade lagt ner bloggandet. Är lite för trött för att läsa något just nu, men lovar att sätta mig in i dina texter så snart som möjligt.
Nice to have you blogging again :) And agreed, toilet paper in the ear on a free day might prove far better than losing something more on a busy one... Crunch, crunch :)
Jonas: Detsamma måste jag säga! Du borde verkligen bejaka dina författaramibitioner. Det är få som har något bra att skriva på det sättet och dessutom lyckas göra det bra. Och det är lugnt. Verkligen. Ta den tid du behöver. Men om det inte blir av till nästa gång vi träffas är det straffbart med offentlig korsfästning på din kolonilott i Tantolunden.
Sesquipedalien: thank you! it's been a joy reading yours in the meantime, despite the hiatus here. The last book I read that I absolutely hated but had to finish was "The Alchemist" by Paulo Coelho. Exquisitely bland reading, but for some reason you just have to finish it, just like bad movies.
Tack ska du ha för den snälla kommentaren. Nu har jag läst din första text. Kan bara säga att jag förstår precis hur du känner dig. Den typiska stockholmsstrategin är precis som du beskriver. För mig, som i grund och botten är en småstadsbo, är det nästan tvärtom. Får jag ett sms så måste jag svara nästan på en gång, för jag vet att en person väntar på andra sidan.
Något som jag märkt med stockholmare, i synnerhet personer som bor i innerstan, är hur selektiva de kan vara ibland. Blir jag bjuden på fest och inte har något inplanerat just då, då tackar jag nästan alltid ja. Dyker en hetare fest upp senare så går jag ändå på den fest jag från början tackade ja till, för jag vet hur ledsen man blir om ingen dyker upp.
Vill inte generalisera men jag tror stockholmare är vanare att i första hand utgå från sig själva. Det kanske är enklare i större städer där alla har ganska stora nätverk. Men har man den filosofin i en mindre stad så har man snart inga vänner kvar.
Precis. Jag är också i grunden småstadsbo men är tyvärr en junkie för storstadspulsen.
Min erfarenhet säger att de flesta Stockholmare har redan sina kompisar och bryr sig inte riktigt att etablera nya/hitflyttade kontakter. Nåja, det är inte meningen att spy hat över den här stan, men det är som det är. Ibland måste man tala sanning.
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